Tired, Yet Happy..

Whatever past had become a long forgotten history to me.. Learning from my everyday routines and from limitless philosophies, i seem to possess some enhanced determination to feel myself and forget her.. Think i can think a lot better, compared to the days when she just broke up with me..

Thinking about it, the change in me now actually comprise of two different mentality.. Could be bad, but who would go debate regarding this? Even for me, i'm halfway decided on what to do.. Sometimes i feel pissed off.. Why is he still trying to irritate me? The day will come for my revenge..

William Lau ( Lau Sai ), you better watch out.. Wait for my lawyer to visit your mother, your brother and of course, you.. Going by the law nowadays, having complete faith in the excellent government structure, believing that there's still fairness in the law of Singapore.. Huat ar!!

Body aching now.. Just returning from TBT ( Muay Thai ).. Going for a shower before residing to bed.. Nights!!

Back!!

Been some time since i last blogged..

My life - Guess i'm moving on with life currently.. Focusing more on my family now, hoping to give them a better life..

My career - Just embarked on my new job at Marks & Spencer as a sales associate.. Working hard to climb my way up the 'ladder', grabbing every opportunities in the future..

My love - Seems like i'm really beginning to lose faith in relationship.. I honour my words more heavily nowadays, still waiting for her to return.. Sometimes it's hard to understand, even myself..

Watching television now..

Time to log off..

Great Day!!

I will keep it short and simple for today.. Legs aching right now.. Lols.. Too long never walk for long distance.. Hmm.. Went to meet up with kenny at tampines.. Lots of changes over there, since the last time i went over.. Haha.. I'm outdated already.. Hangout there till approximately ten at night? Hmm.. Another day of hearty chats, subduing of previous night's hangover.. Simple can be wonderful too.. Ending here, time for me to sleep..

No Smoking - 22 days and ongoing..

P.S. Still awaiting for the miracle to come..

A Brand New Joezen!!

Hurtful situations happened to make me depressed till no words can describe, but i learnt from them to actually improve myself, my life.. Today will be the official day for me to forsake the past behind me.. I still love her wholeheartedly even till now, making a vow that no matter wat happens, i'll be there for her always till my dying moments.. I'm willing to wait, yet won't be expecting any returns.. Finally understand the real definitions of ' true love '..

Just reached home after a small quantity of drinks from Club Sensation, and of cause not missing out an exclusive, heart to heart chat with kenny.. Life, to me, is mostly filled with unfairness.. It's only up to individuals who really know the right methods to create the fairness in them.. Opportunities are always there, fate lingers nearby and then it's us to build our very own destiny.. I've learn not to give up, even upon facing the most difficult situations, ever ready to search for every single solutions to make things work out.. It's my life, i solely control it..

Am i happy? Guess i will be able to confidently give myself an answer in the near future.. *tired! Time for my journey to the west.. Lols.. Should be journey to the lala land.. Nights & sweet dreams..

No Smoking - 21 days and ongoing..

Mood - Moderate..

Health - Slightly feverish, flu.. ( Perhaps due to the effects of quitting my smoking habits.. )

Tiredness - Extreme.. Hahas..

Hectic Week Coming Soon!!

Finally managed to get myself a job.. Although it's just a part time job, it's still considered a great start to my remaining distance in my journey of life.. Need to stay focus and learn from my mistakes, in order for me to excel..

In the meantime, still searching extensively for a full time career.. I believe i can do it.. Been through a deal of ups and downs, time to really stabilize my long term commitments.. Today's my lucky day.. Just went to fill in the application form for the job and they just asked if i could start next week.. I immediately say yes.. Nice guy who interviewed me, but the lady boss seem kinda fierce and hostile.. Lols..

Hmm.. Next month birthday coming, possibility of booking a chalet is there.. Need to have some cash at least.. Must work harder.. Time for singlehood and start relaxing, in terms of mentality wise, for a period of time to perk myself better for the long run in my career..

Tired!! Nights!!

No Smoking - 19 days and ongoing..

A New Week Ahead!!

Today seem to be quite ' normal ' compared to the past few days.. Although the current situation doesn't appeal much to me, I'm still not giving up.. I believed that i can control my fate thus creating my destiny, not vice versa.. My financial state is currently devastating due to the pressure from the BTO issue, but definitely not gonna allow that to hinder me for too long, i hope..

What i need to do now is solely concentrating on getting a job, building my career, directing myself to the right of way.. Till now i still miss her badly, but i have to differentiate the heaviness of these few encounters.. The flashbacks are occupying my mind repeatedly.. I really need to concentrate from now onwards..

Before all these happened, i never knew that my family would actually accompany me through this ordeal.. I'm really fortunate to have my family by my side, especially my mother.. Sorry to have made you worry and sad for me.. Mummy, i love you..

Time for me to bid goodbye from here.. Nights.. Joezen, you can do it!!

No Smoking - 17 days and ongoing..

Fuming With Frustrations!!

What have i done wrong to deserve this? My girlfriend ( future wife ) went off with another guy.. That guy whom she went off with was trying to piss me off by calling me to say everything that they have been doing since they were together.. It's been two weeks plus already, why can't he just stop disturbing me? What he should be doing now is to concentrate on his job and save up money to support her, not to irritate me and play with other girls outside.. Damn pissed off!! I won't take this lying down.. We will see who's gonna to have the last laugh..

I'm in the process of changing to a better person, doing what i should be doing and quitting what i should be quitting.. Searching for jobs everywhere this few days, i really hope i can start working soon to actually restrict me from thinking excessively.. Can't imagine i wholeheartedly put all my feelings into my former, when even i knew will have no returns.. I need to keep telling myself one theory, which is, forgive and forget.. I really wanted to start a new life, regardless whether she will return to me in the future.. Tired and mentally stressed up currently.. Gonna stop at this point for now.. Nights!

P.S - ( To That Bastard ) - Better watch out!! I'll come for you one fine day..

No  Smoking - 16 days and ongoing..

Unlucky Day..

Woke up early in the morning at 7+am, excited and anxious about my 'career' interview at 4pm in the afternoon.. Tried resuming my sleep and wake up early in the afternoon, but to no avail.. Just can't seem to close my eyes again, even though i was actually very tired.. Went walking in town area before my interview, again i saw so many couples in the streets.. Kinda envy them so much till i'm so jealous.. Walked from Ion Orchard to Selegie before taking my time, walking to my destination..

Upon reaching, i saw approximately 60 job applicants packed in the HR office.. Before i was still beaming with confidence, presuming i would definitely get the offer.. Now i just feel so disheartened, my confidence level just sank drastically.. Nevertheless, i still told myself to keep my cool and await my turn for the interview.. Result? I FAILED!! Can't believe it.. I should have expected it.. 60+ applicants for 3 available positions? This is not me..

Met Kenny at Bishan, went for a part time F&B interview at Toa Payoh.. Come on!! All i want is a stable job, which will become my career in the long run.. Why is it so hard? I'm not going to give up just because of the failure today.. I'm going to push myself further and harder, to strive towards my dream future.. I will use my interview today to motivate me in some positive ways, never will i be negative again.. Strolled around Toa Payoh with Kenny before proceeding to Face 2 Face for a heart to heart drink to relieve some tension and relax at night..

Drank Red Rock, doesn't taste that appealing, but still already.. Actually intend to walk home after the drinks, but in the end, i took the last train home.. I'm definitely not drunk, but unexpectedly, i almost got knocked down by a Kia Sportage at a road junction near my place.. Stunned, i stood rooted in the middle of the road for a few seconds, i guess.. Thereafter, i walked slowly home, recalling that i almost lose my life.. So damn unlucky.. Reached home, dropped Kenny a message before bathing, hopefully able to cleanse the 'impurities' in me.. Here i am blogging.. Feeling tired and depressed.. Time for me to end my night..

No Smoking - 14 days and ongoing..

Getting Tough, But Still Hanging On..

Still thought that there's a glimpse of light for me, but i was just thinking too much.. I knew that i have already lost faith in love, but why am i still missing her so much.. What's the real definition of love? Really envy those couples strolling down the streets, hand in hand.. I used to believe in happily ever after.. Now i just hope that ' happily ever after ' exists in this world filled with unfairness..

Getting slightly nervous for my interview tomorrow, hopefully things will turn out well.. Too many KIV debts for me to settle.. Hmm.. Maybe i should declare bankrupt? Lols.. Just kidding.. I'm no longer the former me, i need a new lease of life.. I wanted to start afresh, put everything behind ,me and shut the unhappy memories once and for all, permanently off my mind.. I wanted to be successful in every aspects, if possible.. It will be difficult and a uphill task for me, but i ain't gonna give up.. Giving myself a pat on my shoulder, i sigh.. Tomorrow will be a better day.. Nights & sweet dreams..

No Smoking - 13 days and ongoing..

Confused!!

Feeling slightly emotional today.. Felt that she's no longer her.. Can't help but i'm actually doing comparison of me and her present.. She treated her present a lot better than me.. I have to admit i'm real jealous and upset, but whatever had been done can't be undone.. Basically i just miss the first 2 months we're together, that's the period of time where i feel it's the best part of my life journey.. Never been so happy before knowing her in the past.. I still remember how we first knew each other..

Just happened that i was on duty during her first day of work at Xin Wang Hong Kong Cafe located at Ion Orchard.. I believed that it was her hyper-active character and simple mentality that attracted me to her.. Racking my brains to search for a way on getting her contact without her suspecting anything.. Maybe god was helping me in disguise too, a colleague actually asked her for her number.. Hmm.. I saw a chance.. Lols.. Walked over to her, i asked jokingly why she gave her number to others, but not to me.. She replied saying that i didn't asked for it.. Nevertheless, i just managed to ask her where she stay.. God is really helping me.. She was staying very near me at that point of time.. Really a blessing in disguise..

After work, i sent her home after having a drink at the coffee shop.. Wanted to hold her hands, but i'm afraid that she will reject me, so i held back.. Sent her to her doorstep, before giving her a goodbye kiss.. That moment was so memorable.. Even after i reached home, i still remember the scene.. Honestly revealing a truth, i didn't sleep on that night.. Too happy? Excited? I remember asking myself that is this the feeling when i found my mrs right? I never had this feeling before.. Anyway she's no longer the girl i knew 8 months ago, i'm happy just to be friends with her now.. I'm gonna give up hopes of her coming back to me.. In another way, i don't know why i can't just can't give her my blessings.. Maybe it's because the fear residing in me now, i'm really so afraid of relationships.. *Yawns..

Time to me to end this post.. Feeling very tired now.. Nights to all.. Sweet dreams..

No Smoking - 12 days and ongoing..

You Are My Eyes..

Xin Bu Liao Qing

What Hurts The Most..

Awaken From My Nightmare!!

Woke up in the wee hours, staring lifelessly at my ceiling.. Dazed for approximately 5 minutes before returning to my dreamland.. Hmm.. Or should i rename as nightmare-land? *Grins.. Can't believe that i actually fell asleep again.. Woke up at 7.45am, washed up and prepared to proceed for my lessons.. Oh my god!! That's so early..But no choice, i have to stick on to my schedule for the day..

Upon reaching my destination, it was so packed though it's early in the morning.. Nevertheless, i proceeded to my class for lessons.. Although it's bored facing the four walls with the lecturer mumbling to himself, i still tried my best to concentrate in class which miraculously i managed to do so.. Suddenly something came into my mind, flashbacks of her repeatedly occupied my subconscious state.. I think i should stop it here..

Took train and reached home.. Bought newspaper and beginning searching for my 'career' just in case my interview this coming thursday was not successful.. ( Supposed to be on wed, but changed to thurs. ) Same old routine, kept sending resumes to lots of HR of different organisations, hoping to get a response from them..

Night time, chatted with her on phone for awhile, before rushing for the last train.. ( Nights Out. ) Think that's all for today.. My fingers are begiining to fell tired.. :) Still missing her badly, hoping for miracles to happen.. Nights & sweet dreams to all living things.. Lols..

No Smoking - 11 days & ongoing..

Nice Couple Tees!!

How i wish i could wear this with her.. Lols.. Think too much already.. Haha..

Funny!! ( I Just Feel So.. )

Hmm.. I think i must have done something wrong, or naughty.. See the way she stares at me.. So funny and cute.. Lols..

I <3 You, ECSE..

Another Day..

A day of routine cycle with slightly more problems cropping up concurrently.. Slight progress between me and her, we chatted in facebook in the afternoon for awhile.. At least staying in contact, though minimal, is considered starting afresh as friends.. Really don't wish to think about the past anymore.. Wanted to dispose every unhappy memories, keeping only the sweet ones.. Hope that my interview on wed will be successful, wanted to start work as soon as possible to keep myself occupied, thus preventing me from thinking too much.. Although life's still tough for me, I'm still trying my best to go for the positive..

No Smoking - 9 days and ongoing..

Cute!!

Among so many photos, i like this the most.. From the bottom of my heart, she's so cute.. Oh my god!!

Enlightened?

I'm so confused now.. Kenny, thanks a million for spending so much time talking to me.. I really appreciate it lots.. I'll concentrate on my career now.. Hope that the interview on wed will be successful.. To my love, it doesn't mean that i have forgotten you.. Never will i forget you.. Just that i need to prove to others, and of cause myself that i can change my temper, manage my career well and have the ability to take good care of my other half, which hopefully will be you.. I'm tired, time for me to sleep.. Nights, everyone..

No Smoking - 8 days and ongoing..

Hopes Diminished!

Feelings of total disappointment and devastation swarmed my heart.. I never felt like this before, it's so unbearable.. I know that i'm bad and hot-tempered, but it's the first time when i'm so determined to change for someone.. But it's too late, dear.. You are no longer the Shao'en i knew, i missed the former version of you so much.. Till now, my tears are still dripping when i think of you, which is so often.. Waking up in the morning, searching for jobs, walking along the streets, watching other couples so loving, even during interviews my tears can't be controlled.. 021210<3.. The former you will always be in my heart forever.. May GOD be my witness that i'll never marry another girl beside you, even though i knew that the former you will be gone forever.. Anyway it's a vow i made to myself since the first day we officially got together.. I'm so tired, both mentally and physically drained of energy and life.. Hope that if we happens to meet in our next lives, we can actually start afresh, getting into a relationship followed by a happy marriage and giving me the chance to take good care of you till my last seconds.. I LOVE YOU FOREVER..

No Smoking - 6 days and ongoing..

Starting A New Lease Of Life?

Went for a couple of interviews today.. Hopefully i can start working by next week.. My priority now is just to build up my career while waiting for a miracle to happen, which even if it's possible, won't be soon.. Hmm.. Preparing a list of characteristics, both mentally and physically, i need to reflect on and change.. Why is she so naive and stubborn? I can't do anything but watch her get cheated.. Why am i so useless? May god watch over her.. I really don't want to see her get herself hurt.. Can someone give me the advice that i need so desperately?
Pushing aside my dignity, someone please help me.. Miss her lots..

No Smoking - 4 days & ongoing

To My Love..

Although things turned for the worst, i'm still hoping for the day you will return to my side..
Yes, i'm wrong for hitting you, but do you know how much it hurts for me too? So many flirting message from him.. i'm a guy who loves you wholeheartedly, do you know? I can't imagine how you can treat me like this..
People whom you are closed with, asked me to give up this relationship as we kept quarreling.. But trust me, my dear.. All i want is you to have a happy and safe life, really don't wish you to go back to the past anymore..
I know my temper is ridiculous sometimes, but everything i did is all for you.. I'm sorry for hitting you.. I can't forgive myself too.. I'll not love another girl again, may god be my witness..

Always be waiting for your return.. Love you forever..