Confused!!

Feeling slightly emotional today.. Felt that she's no longer her.. Can't help but i'm actually doing comparison of me and her present.. She treated her present a lot better than me.. I have to admit i'm real jealous and upset, but whatever had been done can't be undone.. Basically i just miss the first 2 months we're together, that's the period of time where i feel it's the best part of my life journey.. Never been so happy before knowing her in the past.. I still remember how we first knew each other..

Just happened that i was on duty during her first day of work at Xin Wang Hong Kong Cafe located at Ion Orchard.. I believed that it was her hyper-active character and simple mentality that attracted me to her.. Racking my brains to search for a way on getting her contact without her suspecting anything.. Maybe god was helping me in disguise too, a colleague actually asked her for her number.. Hmm.. I saw a chance.. Lols.. Walked over to her, i asked jokingly why she gave her number to others, but not to me.. She replied saying that i didn't asked for it.. Nevertheless, i just managed to ask her where she stay.. God is really helping me.. She was staying very near me at that point of time.. Really a blessing in disguise..

After work, i sent her home after having a drink at the coffee shop.. Wanted to hold her hands, but i'm afraid that she will reject me, so i held back.. Sent her to her doorstep, before giving her a goodbye kiss.. That moment was so memorable.. Even after i reached home, i still remember the scene.. Honestly revealing a truth, i didn't sleep on that night.. Too happy? Excited? I remember asking myself that is this the feeling when i found my mrs right? I never had this feeling before.. Anyway she's no longer the girl i knew 8 months ago, i'm happy just to be friends with her now.. I'm gonna give up hopes of her coming back to me.. In another way, i don't know why i can't just can't give her my blessings.. Maybe it's because the fear residing in me now, i'm really so afraid of relationships.. *Yawns..

Time to me to end this post.. Feeling very tired now.. Nights to all.. Sweet dreams..

No Smoking - 12 days and ongoing..